Today my boss and I had one of
those random life chats that can happen spontaneously. It was about how parenting was difficult,
even though I have no practical insight I like to speculate. (I only practice with friend's babies.) He said that he didn’t blame mothers for being
ready to go back to work. He said that
he couldn’t see staying home any longer than 6 weeks not having anything to do
all day but talk to an infant. He posed
the question, “I mean, wouldn’t you be ready to go back?”
I honestly think that my answer
shocked him. I told him that if I could
do anything, that is what I would choose to do.
I said, that being a mother and raising my kids was my first choice. I explained how hard it would be for me to
have a baby and then give it to a person I don’t know to take care of them for
the bulk of the day. I mean no
condemnation to women who do or have to do that, but the desire of my heart is
to ensure that my child receives the best possible care; the care that only a Mom
can give to her own baby. He seemed
shocked. He gave me this quizzical
look. I said that despite all my
education (I’m working on a Master’s degree) and types of careers that I’ve had
(law enforcement, CPS, workforce development), I’d give it all up to stay with
my kids. I told him that I was the type
of person who would sacrifice to make it happen. I said I’d give up cable (P.S. I already
have), a new car or any car (can you imagine having only one family vehicle?!??!),
or other luxuries to make it work. I
explained that I was already cutting back in my life as it was. I told him that I gave up cable. I told him that I’m paying off my debt (minus
those pesky school loans). He queried
what I would do once I paid my credit card off and closed it, you know, in case
of an emergency. I said, my church
family would help me if I really need something. This really got him. He said it’s nice to feel that way. I said I BELIEVE that way.
What
my boss doesn’t understand is that my God has changed me. He has changed the desires of my heart. I don’t think being a waste of my life. I know that I am my Mom’s biggest accomplishment
and that makes her proud. There is no
shame in not finding your worth in a job, because your worth is in God and God
made us to be mothers. (Don’t read me
wrong though, I don’t condemn ladies who want to work.) However, I know that being that Mommy with a
baby on her hip and servin’ at the church house is where I’m going to hit my
stride.
I love that my boss looks at me and
sees a (moderately) young woman and hears her talk about finances, education,
and motherhood. I know he doesn’t know
why I am this way, but I do know that he is seeing Godly principles in me. It makes me realize that I have come a long
way from where I used to be. The things
that pour out of me are different, because the things being poured in to me are
different.
I
can’t wait to continue to minister to him. He won’t even know it’s coming. Every
day I want to light that place up more and more. I want to be open about how I feel, who I am,
and how God has shaped me.
