The Girl You Used to Know

I would imagine that if I took a poll from my past, everyone would think that I'm such a hypocrite, spouting all this "Jesus" stuff.  Don't worry, I'm not a hypocrite.  I'm just new. 

You see, I used to be ultra lib girl.  I believed in God, but He was a god of convenience.  I prayed when I needed something.  I never thanked, gave honor, or glory.  I also believed that whatever you believed was what would happen to you.  If you believed in reincarnation, well you'd come back as a butterfly, if you were a good person.  If you believed that we all turned to worm food, well then you were worm food.  You see my point.... No structure, no order...just a bunch of free thinking that really isn't thinking at all.  It's complacency and lack of knowledge about eternity.  

I ran with the weirdos.  I wanted to be rebellious, but was nerdy at best.  I cursed. I dabbled in weed and premarital sex.  I "experimented."  I dishonored my parents by living with a man before marriage.  I was crass.  I wanted to run with the boys, especially the gay boys, they were just as critical and loud as me.  I was a hot 'ole mess.  

Now, I'm a Jesus freak.  That means I'm saved by amazing grace.  It means the old me has died.  I don't have to carry the stains of my past like a scarlet letter emblazoned across my breast.  He washes everything white.  

But, I know there are people out there who remember the old me and don't understand this new me....this product of grace, death of flesh, the influx of the Holy Spirit, and how I have become pure. This Bible-tale Snow White.

But, you can.  It's for you too. 

Peru or Bust!

In three days, I will be leaving on a mission trip with my some people from my church.  Powerhouse has a covenant church in Piura, Peru.  When they asked who would be interested in going, I quickly raised my hand.  I never even stop to think how I could afford it, if I would get a passport on time, and if I even really wanted to go on a trip outside of my comfort zone.  I just raised my hand. 

I started my campaign within a week’s time, because I had to raise the money.  If some generous benefactors were not going to give in to this trip, it would not happen.  But, God.  He has a way of softly placing you on people’s hearts.  He has a divine way of letting you minister to them, so that later on they are compelled to give.  Not because of you, in spite of you and the fleshiness they may have seen.  They remember that bit of ministry that God allowed to pour out of your mouth.  And they give.  They give with such generosity that you are amazed.  Nevertheless, you always know that it is not you.  You were not the popular one that just had droves of “fan club” members.  You are the one that God used for His purpose, because you finally allowed him.

Yet, here you are counting down the days until you go on this epic adventure.  This trip will set the stage for what is to come in your life.  It is a moment where doors for Christ will be opened and the past will be shut for good. 

Here I am. More to come. 

The Great Co-Mission

On Sunday, June 15, 2014 I was Commissioned at Powerhouse Church.  I’ve had so many people ask me what is Commissioning and why did you get that medieval shield.  Well, the process of Commissioning is reading 9 books (6 of which are from the Ed Cole library of books), completing workbooks associated with each book, and writing essays on a particular theme from each book.  The entire process can take up to a year, but some people (ahem, namely me) spread it out over a longer period.  This process is monitored by a mentor who provides encouragement and discipleship to the person being Commissioned.   

I pondered on this a moment, because I want to explain it just the right way.  I find that if you deal with it superficially, it doesn’t really make sense.  Why read all those books, when you have the Bible? Why write an essay, this ain’t school?!!?!?

As I began to think about why I did this, I went to the word commission itself.  To commission means to “give an order for or authorize the production of something, to bring something in to working condition, or to appoint (someone) to the rank of officer in the armed services.”  If I look at it through the basic definition of the word, then Pastor Watkins gave the authorization to produce a leader in me.  He works with my mentors closely and trusts their decision to walk me through this process.  The Commissioning process also brought my spirit in to working order.  Commissioning is not for the faint of heart.  It stirs up your spirit and you will war against your flesh.  You will dig deeper in to the things of God.  Digging deeper stretches, which causes growth.  Lastly, I’ve been promoted to the rank of official disciple in God’s army.  I’m ready. I’m equipped.  I still have things to overcome, things to learn, and more growing to do, but this coursework has helped me to “take my place.” (Shameless plug for Pastor Watkins' book!)

Dr. Edwin Louis Cole was the mentor of our Pastor, G.F. Watkins.  His books examine the patterns and principles of how God works.  They are never to take the place of reading your word, but are a good addition to help realize the truths of God.  They aid in the digestion of God’s word.  So, Commissioning books are aids for growth and development of patterns and principles learned in your Bible.  They have encouraged a deeper pursuit of the Lord. 

When Pastor Watkins handed me my shield, he explained to me that women are provided the Shield of Faith.  We are meant to complete, not compete with men.  She has a spirit that is unique from a man and she must watch his back.  He encouraged me, stating that this was just the first step of many.  He’s right.  This is just the first step, a defining moment, the start of a beautiful journey for Christ.  There are many times of stretching coming, but I’m so grateful that I was encouraged through this time of testing, so that I can show myself approved. 

God bless!

--B

Confession #1

It has been on my mind to start this blog for quite some time now.  I don't know if I have any gems of wisdom, per se, (way to win you over right?!?!), but I need an outlet for all that God has placed on my heart. 

Several months ago I was reading "Holy Spirit: An Introduction" by John Bevere in a LifeGroup through church.  I fell in love with this book.  It really was an introduction to the person of the Holy Spirit and not just some "thing' or "it" that the Bible talks about.  The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of our Lord.  I was shocked to learn that I could offend the Holy Spirit.  You mean the Lord who lives in me is offended by my actions??!?! You mean that He is with me wherever I go...sees what I see...does what I do?? That was a hard pill to swallow, especially thinking of all the things that this "saved girl" was feasting her eyes upon.  I mean, how could He be offended?? It was not like I was looking at pornography or stealing.  

But, alas I knew, even without doing the salacious, I had offended the Holy Spirit.  I prayed in earnest for Him to reveal to me how I had offended Him.  I wanted to draw Him near to me. I wanted that special velvety feeling (as Bevere describes).  

I poured out my heart to God and He was faithful to answer.  But, what do you do when you don't like the answer you get?!??  I thought He would say that I watched too much TV or didn't spend enough time in prayer, but He choose to focus on what I had been ignoring.  What I was too stubborn to admit.  He said, "You are choking me with all the food you consume."  I wept.  

I reflected on how I had chosen food over Him.  His comfort. His peace that surpasses all understanding.  Don't get me wrong, we all need food to sustain our bodies, but what happens when we take his blessing and turn it in to a curse?  I had to repent.  Not the quick kind of I'm sorry that is flippant, but a fall on your face,, 180 degree change of heart.  

The Big Mac was my golden calf.  How hard is that to say!??! I realized that I had made food my idol.  I had put if before God. I had trusted it more than God.  I had let Him withdraw from me.  

In my repentance, I changed my eating habits.  I prayed before eating. I asked that God would show me what my limit was and that I would rely on Him and not food to satisfy my body, soul, and spirit.  I live each day with the knowledge that I want Him near and that is more important than this temporal pleasure.  

Not every day is a success, but every day God has me in His hands.  He grace is sufficient to cover my mistakes and His mercy allows me to start new each morning.  

God bless! 

 --B