Confession #1

It has been on my mind to start this blog for quite some time now.  I don't know if I have any gems of wisdom, per se, (way to win you over right?!?!), but I need an outlet for all that God has placed on my heart. 

Several months ago I was reading "Holy Spirit: An Introduction" by John Bevere in a LifeGroup through church.  I fell in love with this book.  It really was an introduction to the person of the Holy Spirit and not just some "thing' or "it" that the Bible talks about.  The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of our Lord.  I was shocked to learn that I could offend the Holy Spirit.  You mean the Lord who lives in me is offended by my actions??!?! You mean that He is with me wherever I go...sees what I see...does what I do?? That was a hard pill to swallow, especially thinking of all the things that this "saved girl" was feasting her eyes upon.  I mean, how could He be offended?? It was not like I was looking at pornography or stealing.  

But, alas I knew, even without doing the salacious, I had offended the Holy Spirit.  I prayed in earnest for Him to reveal to me how I had offended Him.  I wanted to draw Him near to me. I wanted that special velvety feeling (as Bevere describes).  

I poured out my heart to God and He was faithful to answer.  But, what do you do when you don't like the answer you get?!??  I thought He would say that I watched too much TV or didn't spend enough time in prayer, but He choose to focus on what I had been ignoring.  What I was too stubborn to admit.  He said, "You are choking me with all the food you consume."  I wept.  

I reflected on how I had chosen food over Him.  His comfort. His peace that surpasses all understanding.  Don't get me wrong, we all need food to sustain our bodies, but what happens when we take his blessing and turn it in to a curse?  I had to repent.  Not the quick kind of I'm sorry that is flippant, but a fall on your face,, 180 degree change of heart.  

The Big Mac was my golden calf.  How hard is that to say!??! I realized that I had made food my idol.  I had put if before God. I had trusted it more than God.  I had let Him withdraw from me.  

In my repentance, I changed my eating habits.  I prayed before eating. I asked that God would show me what my limit was and that I would rely on Him and not food to satisfy my body, soul, and spirit.  I live each day with the knowledge that I want Him near and that is more important than this temporal pleasure.  

Not every day is a success, but every day God has me in His hands.  He grace is sufficient to cover my mistakes and His mercy allows me to start new each morning.  

God bless! 

 --B