Growing Pains

It’s hard to know how transparent you can be with people.  There is a fine line between sharing your testimony and opening yourself up to judgment. 

God has captured my heart.  You would think it would be all rainbows, unicorns, and glitter.  But, it’s not.  It’s gritty, tumultuous and raw.  He opens up places that you didn’t know where buried so deep. He tears down every lofty thing that you didn’t know that you worshipped.  Basically, God begins to tear in to your freshly fleshed heart.  He breaks it for what breaks Him.  It hurts.  It is messy and it leaves you confused. 

Since coming back from Peru, I’ve had a fresh dose of Lord in my life.  I knew Peru would be a life changing event for me and that it would take me deeper.  I didn’t know that it would leave me so befuddled and in awe of the power of God. 

Several of the people who sojourned to Peru, including myself, were asked to give our testimony in front of the church regarding our trip to Peru and what impacted us the most.  So, we’re standing up on stage and I’m poised to give my eloquent speech …and then…we’re being ushered off stage.  I didn’t get to give my most eloquent speech.  *sour face* 

Wow! How could I not get picked?  Was this personal? Did they not know I was a great speech giver?  Don’t they realize that I’m on FIRE for God and just want to tell my story???

I couldn’t believe all the emotion the welled up inside of me from something so small.  I was overwhelmed.  And what do you do when this type of emotion wells up inside of you… you ask your spiritual leader to move her car so you can run away from Life Group.  Did I ever say I was spiritually mature? If I did, I take it back at this point.

She’s smart though.  She wouldn’t let me leave.  She stood there and made me confess it out.  My pride.  My shame over the pride.  The feeling that I still wanted to be in Peru.  I was so confused about why I felt this way.  But, she looked at me with that grace filled smile she has and informed me that God had captured my heart and He was not content to let me stay the same.  He is working on me.  He is taking out all that is not of Him. 

So, there you have it.  The non-kittens and rainbows part of falling in love with God. 

More of You.  Less of me.  :)